


the beast was always here

by jessicamiriamdrew



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Familial Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts, implied character deaths
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-25
Updated: 2012-08-25
Packaged: 2017-11-12 20:35:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/495395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessicamiriamdrew/pseuds/jessicamiriamdrew
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Many people would be ecstatic about being unable to die. It’s Bruce’s worst nightmare.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the beast was always here

**Author's Note:**

> Implied character death, mentions of past familial abuse, discussion of suicide

He spent a lot of time wondering if he should have been the dead one. Bruce was the reason why his dad had always been upset. It seemed fair, honestly. His mother could have lived a full life. Maybe she and his dad would have been happy without him.

What had he done with his life that he deserved it more than she did? He was a monster, after all. Maybe he’d had potential at one point but then he got cocky. Sure, let’s work with gamma radiation and make a bomb.

The thought of his mother made him rush out and save Rick Jones. It was the only good act he’d done in his life but even that didn’t atone for what he had become.

The Hulk took away his ability to make restitution. Ending his own life was the only way he could make a difference in all the harm he’d caused.

Could he still call himself suicidal if he had no way of dying? No. All he’d ever wanted was to be happy but he’d destroyed that with his ambition to make a difference.

He’d done something now, absolutely, but it wasn’t something people would remember happily.

And he couldn’t even make up for it. Even the worst people were granted the refuge of death. How long would he live? Could his mutated DNA replicate forever, keeping him on this edge of stasis? Would he end up immortal, the only person he still knew being Thor?

Who wanted to live without the promise of dying? What could life mean to him without death? He’s stuck as a sinner forever, the same problems being executed without stop.

His mind had already begun calculating which of the Avengers would die first. Tony, probably, followed by Clint. Natasha would be next. He didn’t know what effect the super serum would have on Steve but he, too, would die. Thor could return to Asgard at any time; he had no obligation to stay on Midgard for a monstrosity like him.

But Bruce would live on because the Hulk did too.

One day Tony’s heart would give out and the arc reactor would be useless. It couldn’t save his life if there wasn’t anything to protect. Clint would go naturally if he didn’t die on a mission first. Maybe it would be cancer and Bruce would be left watching him fade away. Natasha, he suspected, would turn a gun on herself before letting herself die slowly. Steve, well…who knew how long Erskine’s formula could remain stable? It was possible Steve would wake up old and only have days left. The thoughts exploded in Bruce’s brain. Even at his most powerful physically or mentally, he was useless to prevent any of their deaths.

Bruce couldn’t save a single one of them. The gamma bomb that would have killed others had made him immortal. The only death he had in store would be to feel his mind splinter with the passing of every person he cared about.


End file.
